


Is There An App for That?

by second_skin



Series: Mystrade Chronicles (Fluff with Slightly Silly Mycroft) [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: But It's Not Like She Was His Girlfriend For Heaven's Sake, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, Florn (Fluffy Porn), Humor, It's Lonely at the World Economic Forum, M/M, Masturbation, Mycroft Slept with Helen Mirren, Phone Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-17
Updated: 2012-04-17
Packaged: 2017-11-03 20:12:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/385464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/second_skin/pseuds/second_skin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Mycroft does not appreciate the value of a good long-distance wank. Greg Does. </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is There An App for That?

**Author's Note:**

> _Betaed beautifully by drachenmina_   
> 

“Hello, handsome. Want some action tonight?”

“Oh dear, are we doing this again?”

“We’re going to do it until you actually _do_ _it_ , Mycroft.”

“But I . . . I’m very busy just now. I have Merkel and Obama arriving in an  
hour.

“That’s plenty of time. Now, guess where I am?”

“I cannot begin to guess, but I know you’re naked. You sound naked.”

“Right! See? You’re really good at this if you just try. I’m in the bathtub. Your bathtub. Wishing you were here. Where are _you_ , and what are you wishing?”

“Oh good heavens, Gregory. I cannot believe you’re making me do this again. Let me close the door. . . . I am in my hotel suite in Davos, looking out over the magnificent vistas, and I wish you were here too, my dearest. The sunset is breathtaking, and the snow-capped mountains . . . “

“Cut the travelogue, Mycroft. You’re trying to change the subject. And you’re the one who has an appointment to keep. Me, I’m in no hurry--I can stay on the phone all night. In this steamy bathroom, which, by the way, is making me incredibly horny. I’ve got that soap you like--the one with olive oil and rosemary---and I’m rubbing it all over my shoulders right now, and my arms, my chest . . . Jesus, it’s making me crave a plate of roast lamb. Or feel like I _am_ a plate of roast lamb. Does that turn you on, My? Want to tell me where to rub next?

“Nnmmfff. Oh, I. . . . what? I don’t know . . . uh . . .”

“Close your eyes, Mycroft. I’m getting out of the tub now, and I’m going to walk over to you. I’m dripping warm water all over you now. My hair is wet, and you’re getting wet too because I’m touching you. Can you feel my hands unbuttoning your shirt? Help me unbutton it?”

“Wet? Oh, no. _(soft moan)_ I . . . I mean, yes, buttons.”

“I can’t wait to feel your cock--I bet it’s so hard and heavy right now. Is it?”

“I’m not sure. It appears to be. I think so.”

“Let’s touch it together. Now. Are you touching it? . . . . Mycroft? What was that noise? _Mycroft?_ Oh shit, did you just drop the phone? MYCROFT!”

“Yes, yes, I’m back. Just a little mishap. Sorry, Gregory. Maybe we should stop.”

“No way. You do this every time. You've got to conquer this phobia about jerking off. Everyone does it. It’s fun. Kids do it. Old ladies do it. Chimpanzees do it. You can do it too. Now, let’s go.”

“Fine. I’m doing it.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. Oh dear god. Oh god, yes. There. I did it.”

“Very funny. Mycroft, I’m not an idiot. I know you’re still fully clothed, and you’re sitting at your hotel desk, probably fingering your briefing book instead of your dick. So I’m going to threaten you now.”

“That is not necessary, and using sex as a weapon is, frankly, beneath you.”

“Well, apparently it _is_ necessary, and if I remember right, you’ve used the same weapon a few times yourself, Mister I’ll-fellate-you-every-morning-for-a-month- if-you-wear-black tie-to-the-BAFTAs-to-meet-my-old-girlfriend.”

“Helen was not my girlfriend, she was just . . .” *****

“Stop arguing! I don’t care. The point is this: If you don’t have phone sex with me right now, including, in your word _s--auto-erotic stimulation to climax_ \--I'm not fucking you for at least two weeks after you get home. And I’m not kidding this time. And you have to send me a picture to prove you really did it.

_(Silence)_

“I don’t like doing it if you’re not with me.”

“Don’t try to get off the hook with that sad tone. I _am_ with you. That’s the whole idea.

“Hmpf. All right.”

“Mycroft, I’m still standing next to you--naked--except now I’m shivering. I think the sight of your warm, hard dick might help me. Why don’t you undo your trousers and slip them off."

“( _Sigh_ ) Very well. . . . They’re off."

“Tell me what you’d like me to do with you, My. Or to you?”

“I think, I want . . . this is so strange . . . well, fine . . . I think I want to lie down on the bed . . . and . . . I want you to do that thing . . . the tongue fluttering thing and whisper in my ear . . ."

“Perfect. Go lie down on the bed, and I’ll whisper in your ear and lick your neck. . . . Are you lying down?”

“Yes.”

“Now take off your underwear and feel yourself for me. Are you touching yourself? Stroking? Tickling?”

“Y-y- . . uh . . . yes.”

“Can you hear me? Put the phone on the pillow next to your ear, okay? And I’m going to talk you through it. Keep stroking your cock--a little more pressure now. Squeeze it. Pull a little harder for me. Twist. But be careful, My, don’t break it--you know it’s my favorite thing in the world.

_(Giggles)_

“Now take your other hand and touch your chest. Touch your chest and your stomach everywhere you want me to kiss you. Show me.”

“There. And there. And there. And there. And there again.”

“Mmmhmm. That was good--you’re feeling a little slutty now, aren’t you? And now I’m going to lick your neck, exactly where you want me to. Can you feel my tongue . . . and my warm breath?

“Hunghphh.”

“Tell me something else you want.”

“I . . . I wish . . I wish you were on top of me--pressing down--heavy. I want my skin--all of it--covered with your skin.”

“I’m doing it. I’m climbing on top of you and pressing my feet against your feet. Am I tickling you? Now my ankles against your ankles, my legs against your legs . . . Mycroft . . . God, My . . . you are driving me _insane_ right now, I want you so much. You’re so gorgeous, and just thinking about your face and your eyes and your mouth is making me so fucking hot--I can’t breathe anymore, just thinking about you. I want to swallow every inch of you. _(Groan)_ God, and your fingers. I want to be your hand right now, right now, touching you---are you still squeezing your cock? Is it slick and leaking now?”

“Yes. But. . . I can't. I _can't_ . . . I want you. Here. _Now._ “

“Me too. I want to touch you and taste you. My, put your fingers in your mouth and tell me what you taste like--can you taste the wetness from your cock? _Tell me_.”

“It’s . . . it’s salty. And, it’s like . . . it tastes like you. _Oh_. I didn’t think . . . It tastes like you, Gregory."

“I can taste you too now. God, I want you. Now I’m nuzzling my face between your thighs--it’s so warm.”

“ _Ah. . . nngh_.”

“Are you ready?”  
 __

_(Pause.)_

“Maybe.”

“Pull harder now--and faster. Together? I’m so fucking close, My. _(Moan)_ Talk to me.”

“I . . . I . . It’s good. . . . this is so . . . I feel . . . I’m falling . . . I’m dizzy. I can’t . . . I can’t . . . _Ah, ah, ah . . . yes, yes, YES! Unnnffff._ “

_(Thud)_

“Ow!”

“My? Mycroft? What happened? Are you okay?”

_(Panting)_

“Give me a moment. . . . I just knocked my head on the bedside table.  Is that supposed to happen? Falling out of bed? Bodily injury?”

_(Extended giggling)_

_(Tap, tap, tap)_

“Mr. Holmes. Hello? Your guests have arrived.”

“Oh no, someone’s knocking on the door . . .. I . . . have to go . . . Trousers--where are my trousers? And tissues--don’t they have tissues?! Damnation! Don’t come in, Anthea! I’ll be out in just a tick. Goodbye, Gregory! I’ll call you later, after the banquet. I know I still owe you a photograph---so we may have to do this again tonight to get just the right image.”

_(Snorts.)_

"Ha! Fine with me. I’ll be waiting. Love you.”

“Love you, too. And Gregory?”

“Yes?”

“Chimpanzees? Really?”

“Yep. The whole fucking animal kingdom.”

“Hmmm. Fascinating. Let’s add a David Attenborough program to our telly night next time? Something educational.”

_(Click.)_

_  
_

_*A/N: Mycroft had a brief affair with Helen Mirren when he was at university. Greg is a little jealous.  
_

 


End file.
